Common Sex Questions Indians Are Too Shy to Ask
By Rahul Verma
Youth Sex Educator & Workshop Facilitator · M.A. Public Health, JNU
Scene kya hai: you have a question. You're not sure it's a stupid question. You open an incognito tab. You type something vague. You close it before hitting enter. Five minutes later, you try again.
We see you. We literally built Samjho for this moment.
I run sex education workshops across India, and after every single session — every one — someone stays back to ask a question they didn't want to ask in the group. The questions are almost always the same. And they're almost never stupid. They're the questions our schools and families refuse to answer.
So this is a list of them. All of them. Answered honestly, medically, and without any of the "beta, yeh sab mat pucho" energy. No judgment. Just facts.
About the Body Basics
Q: Is it normal for one testicle to hang lower than the other?
Completely normal. One testicle — usually the left — hangs slightly lower in most men. This is by design: it stops the testicles from knocking against each other during movement. If there's a sudden change, lump, or pain though, get it checked by a urologist.
Q: Are there really different "types" of vaginas?
Vulvas (the external part) vary in shape, colour, and size. The inner labia can be longer, shorter, symmetrical or asymmetrical, darker or lighter. All of these are normal. Advertising and porn show one very narrow version and that messes with people's expectations. What you see is not what everyone looks like.
Q: Is my penis size normal?
The average erect penis size is about 13-13.5 cm (roughly 5.1-5.3 inches), according to a major review published in the British Journal of Urology International that analysed over 15,000 men. Most men fall within 11-16 cm. Indian studies by AIIMS and other institutions have found averages consistent with the global data. Unless you're significantly outside this range, you're normal. And for vaginal sex, length matters far less than most men think.
Q: Why is my discharge changing throughout the month?
White or clear vaginal discharge is normal and changes throughout the menstrual cycle — thinner and more slippery around ovulation, thicker and whiter before periods. It's your body doing its job. If discharge becomes green, yellow, foul-smelling, or comes with itching or burning, see a gynecologist.
Q: Why is one of my breasts bigger than the other?
Because bodies are asymmetrical. Very few people have perfectly matched breasts. The same is true for eyes, ears, and hands. If there's a sudden change in size or shape, that's worth a checkup.
About Masturbation
Q: Does masturbation cause weakness?
No. This is possibly the most common myth in India — what some doctors call "Dhat syndrome." The idea that losing semen causes weakness has no scientific backing. Masturbation does not cause weakness, hair loss, acne, poor eyesight, or infertility. The World Health Organization recognises masturbation as a normal, healthy sexual behaviour.
Q: How often is too often?
There's no medical limit. If masturbation is interfering with your work, sleep, relationships, or daily functioning, that's worth looking at — but the actual frequency doesn't matter. Once a week, once a day, once a month — all normal.
Q: Can women masturbate?
Yes. It's normal and healthy for people of all genders. NFHS-5 data doesn't track this directly, but international surveys consistently find that the majority of women masturbate at some point. If it's not part of your life, that's also fine.
Q: Is it okay to masturbate in a relationship?
Yes. Being in a relationship doesn't end solo pleasure. It's not "cheating" and it doesn't mean you aren't attracted to your partner. Many people in long-term relationships masturbate regularly.
About First Time and Virginity
Q: Will there definitely be bleeding the first time?
No. Many women don't bleed during their first sexual experience. The hymen — a thin tissue around the vaginal opening — varies in thickness and shape from person to person. Many have already stretched it through normal activity like sports or using tampons. Bleeding is not a reliable sign of virginity, and doctors have been saying this for decades.
Q: Will it hurt a lot?
It might feel uncomfortable, but it shouldn't be extremely painful. Pain usually comes from not enough lubrication, tension, or going too fast. Arousal, relaxation, and communication make a huge difference. Severe pain is not normal and can sometimes be a sign of a condition like vaginismus — which is treatable.
Q: Can I lose my virginity from masturbation, tampons, or cycling?
No, because "virginity" is not a medical thing. It's a social concept. The hymen might stretch from any physical activity, but that doesn't mean anything about your sexual history. There's no test for virginity — and the WHO, along with the UN, has called for virginity testing to be banned globally.
Q: What if I can't have sex on the wedding night?
More common than anyone admits. Fatigue, nerves, alcohol, unfamiliarity, performance pressure — first nights often don't go as expected. There's no timeline. Most couples take days or weeks to feel comfortable with each other physically, and that's completely fine.
About Contraception
Q: Can I get pregnant the first time I have sex?
Yes. Absolutely. There's no "safe first time." Pregnancy is possible any time sperm meets an egg during a fertile window, including the very first time.
Q: Is pulling out safe?
It's better than nothing but far from reliable. The withdrawal method has a typical failure rate of about 22%, meaning roughly 1 in 5 couples who use it will get pregnant within a year. Use a condom or another reliable method instead.
Q: Do I need birth control if we only have sex during "safe days"?
The rhythm method (calendar-based birth control) has a typical failure rate of around 24%. Sperm can live inside the body for up to 5 days, and ovulation doesn't always happen exactly when apps predict. If pregnancy prevention matters to you, don't rely on calendar tracking alone.
Q: Can the I-pill be used regularly?
No. Emergency contraceptive pills like i-pill and Unwanted 72 are for emergencies, not regular use. They have a higher failure rate than proper contraception and can cause menstrual irregularities. If you're having sex regularly, talk to a gynecologist about better options — pills, IUDs, injections, or implants.
About STIs
Q: Can you get an STI from kissing?
Some infections can spread through kissing — like herpes simplex (cold sores) — but most common STIs like HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhoea, and syphilis don't spread through casual kissing. Deep kissing can occasionally transmit certain infections if there are open sores in the mouth.
Q: Do I need to get tested if I've only had one partner?
If neither of you has been tested before, yes — at least once, together. Many STIs are silent, especially chlamydia. Testing once early in a relationship is a smart, non-dramatic step. Think of it as "health admin."
Q: Can I get an STI from a toilet seat?
No. STIs do not spread through toilet seats, swimming pools, towels, or mosquitoes. They spread through specific kinds of contact — sexual, blood, or from mother to baby. Your mother was wrong about the toilet seat.
About Relationships and Pleasure
Q: Is it normal not to orgasm during penetrative sex?
Extremely. Most women (around 70-80% in large surveys, including research published in The Journal of Sex Research) don't orgasm from penetration alone. The clitoris — yes, we're using the real word — is the main source of sexual pleasure for most women. If penetration alone isn't doing it, that's not a problem with your body.
Q: How long should sex last?
Much shorter than you think. Research on heterosexual couples published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine found the average duration of penetrative sex to be around 5-7 minutes. The 30-minute marathons in porn are not standard and most people don't want that anyway.
Q: What if I have a different sex drive than my partner?
Completely normal. Very few couples have exactly matched libidos. It becomes a problem only when you stop talking about it. Many sexual medicine specialists in India — like Dr. Rajan Bhonsle in Mumbai — work specifically with couples on this issue. It's solvable.
About Shame and Cultural Weight
Q: Is it okay to enjoy sex?
Yes. We shouldn't even have to answer this question, but in India we do. Pleasure is not a sin. Consensual sex between adults is a normal, healthy part of life. No religion, culture, or family rule changes basic biology — your body is designed for pleasure, and enjoying it is nothing to feel guilty about.
Q: My family never taught me anything about sex. Am I behind?
No. Most Indians grow up with almost no sex education. Our NCERT textbooks barely cover reproduction. Our schools skip the chapter. Our families don't talk about it. You're not behind — the system failed you. Learning as an adult is not late. It's how most of us are doing this.
Q: Why do I feel guilty after sex or masturbation?
This is called "post-coital dysphoria" when it's intense, and it's very common in cultures with strong sexual shame. It doesn't mean you did something wrong. It means you absorbed messages from family, community, or religion that are still running in the background. It fades when you give yourself permission. Therapy helps if it's affecting your life.
When to See a Doctor
See a gynecologist or urologist if you notice:
- Pain during sex that doesn't go away
- Unusual discharge, smell, or bleeding
- Sores, lumps, or rashes on the genitals
- Burning while urinating
- Changes in desire that distress you
- Erectile issues under 45
- Difficulty reaching orgasm that feels like a problem to you
- Anything at all that worries you
No question is too embarrassing for a doctor. They've heard it all — and in the rare case they react badly, find a different doctor. You deserve one who takes you seriously.
The Bottom Line
Let me tell you why the shame is bullshit — politely. The questions you're too embarrassed to ask are the exact ones everyone else is also too embarrassed to ask. That's why we get the same list in every workshop. That's why Samjho exists.
If you learned something from this, send it to the friend who's been asking you the same questions at 1 am. They deserve the answers too.
There's no stupid question when it comes to your body and health. Ask your doctor. Ask a friend. Ask Samjho. Just don't stay in the dark because of someone else's discomfort.
FAQs
Q: Is it weird to Google sex questions?
No. Millions of Indians do this every night. It's one of the top categories of health searches from India, according to Google Trends data. You're normal.
Q: Where can I ask sex questions anonymously in India?
Helplines like iCall (9152987821) offer confidential mental health and sexual health support. Suraksha Clinics across India offer free, confidential STI counselling. Samjho also publishes regular Q&A-style content based on reader questions.
Q: Is it okay to talk about sex with my doctor?
Yes — and you should. Indian doctors are increasingly trained to handle sexual health without judgment. If one doesn't, find another. Your medical history is confidential.
Q: Where do I learn accurate sex education as an adult in India?
Reliable sources include the WHO, NACO, FOGSI publications, sexual medicine specialists like Dr. Rajan Bhonsle and Dr. Duru Shah, and sexual health platforms like Samjho that publish medically reviewed content.
Q: Should I feel embarrassed for not knowing this already?
No. Most of us grew up without proper sex ed. Learning now is exactly what adult life is for. There's nothing to catch up on — just things to learn when you're ready.
This article is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for medical advice. If you have specific health concerns, please consult a qualified doctor.