GuideApril 22, 202610 min read2,320 words

Understanding Asexuality: It's More Common Than You Think

By Rahul Verma

Youth Sex Educator & Workshop Facilitator · M.A. Public Health, JNU

woman in blue long sleeve shirt standing on gray asphalt road during daytime — Photo by Kevin Saunders on Unsplash

What if you just... don't feel sexual attraction? Not because something is wrong with you. Not because you haven't met the right person. Not because of trauma or hormones or "not trying hard enough." What if that's simply who you are?

Welcome to asexuality -- one of the most misunderstood and underrepresented sexual orientations, especially in India. If you've ever wondered whether your lack of interest in sex means something is broken, this guide is for you. Spoiler: nothing is broken.

What Is Asexuality, Exactly?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by little to no sexual attraction to others. An asexual person -- sometimes called "ace" -- doesn't look at other people and feel a pull toward wanting to have sex with them. And that's it. That's the whole thing.

Important distinctions right up front:

Asexuality is not celibacy. Celibacy is a choice to abstain from sex. Asexuality is an orientation -- it's about what you feel (or don't feel), not what you choose to do.
Asexuality is not a medical condition. It's not "low libido" that needs fixing. It's not a hormonal imbalance. It's not a symptom.
Asexual people can still have relationships. Many ace people have deep romantic relationships, partnerships, and even marriages. Some have sex for various reasons (to please a partner, to have children, out of curiosity). Some don't. Both are valid.

How Common Is Asexuality?

More common than most people realize.

Research estimates that approximately 1% of the global population identifies on the asexual spectrum. That might sound small, but let's put it in perspective: 1% of India's population is roughly 14 million people. That's more than the entire population of Mumbai.

A large-scale study in the UK found that between 0.4% and 5.5% of respondents identified as asexual, depending on how the question was framed and which study is referenced. Japan's 2023 nationwide survey found that 0.9% of respondents identified as asexual, with cisgender women (1.3%) more likely to identify as ace than cisgender men (0.3%).

In India, specific prevalence data is limited -- which is itself part of the problem. A 2024 study published in the journal Sexualities examined the emergence of Indian asexual identities and found that Indian asexual communities are actively building their own language of desire and intimacy through online platforms and shared lived experiences. The asexual movement in India is growing, but it's still fighting for basic recognition.

The Asexual Spectrum: It's Not All-or-Nothing

Asexuality isn't a single, rigid category. It exists on a spectrum -- sometimes called the "ace spectrum" -- that includes several identities.

Asexual

Experiences little to no sexual attraction to anyone, regardless of gender or circumstance. Research shows that 67.3% of people who identify on the ace spectrum identify as asexual (Journal of Sex Research, 2022).

Demisexual

Experiences sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional bond with someone. You might never feel attraction to strangers, celebrities, or people you've just met -- but once you develop deep emotional intimacy with someone, attraction may develop. About 10% of ace spectrum individuals identify as demisexual.

Graysexual (Gray-Ace)

Falls in the "gray area" between asexuality and allosexuality (experiencing sexual attraction regularly). You might experience sexual attraction rarely, only under specific circumstances, or with low intensity. About 11.8% of ace spectrum individuals identify as graysexual.

Questioning

About 8.2% of ace spectrum individuals are actively questioning whether they fall on the spectrum -- and that's completely okay. You don't need a definitive label to be valid.

Asexuality vs. Aromanticism: Two Different Things

This is where it gets nuanced, and where many people get confused.

Sexual attraction: Wanting to have sex with someone.
Romantic attraction: Wanting a romantic relationship with someone -- dates, emotional intimacy, partnership, love.

These are separate experiences. You can be:

Asexual and romantic -- You don't experience sexual attraction but you do experience romantic attraction. You might want a partner, dates, emotional closeness, cuddling -- just not sex (or not sex driven by attraction).
Asexual and aromantic (aroace) -- You don't experience either sexual or romantic attraction. You might still want close friendships, community, and deep platonic bonds.
Allosexual and aromantic -- You experience sexual attraction but not romantic attraction.

Research shows that about 60% of ace spectrum individuals identify as asexual only, while 40% identify as both asexual and aromantic (The Demography of Asexuality and Aromanticism, Springer, 2025).

Asexuality in India: Cultural Context Matters

Understanding asexuality in India comes with its own unique challenges -- and its own unique strengths.

The Challenges

Medicalization. In India, many psychologists and sexologists still treat asexuality as a disorder. A 2024 study in Sexualities found that Indian medical professionals tend to medicalize asexuality as a "biological deficiency," citing reasons like genetic predisposition or low sex hormones. This is outdated. The American Psychiatric Association's DSM-5 explicitly states that asexuality is not a disorder.

Marriage pressure. In a culture where marriage is often treated as mandatory -- and where marriage is assumed to include sex -- being ace can feel impossible to explain. "But how will you get married?" "But what about your husband/wife's needs?" These questions reflect a society that can't imagine a life outside the heterosexual, sexually active norm.

Lack of language. Many Indian languages don't have a widely known word for asexuality. This makes it harder for ace individuals to find community, explain themselves to family, or even understand their own experiences.

Invisibility in media. Bollywood and Indian pop culture portray romance and sexual desire as universal human experiences. Characters who aren't interested in sex are treated as oddities, comedic relief, or people who just haven't met "the one" yet.

The Strengths

Growing online communities. Indian ace communities are building spaces on social media, Reddit, and dedicated platforms like Indian Aces. These communities provide the language, validation, and connection that mainstream culture doesn't.

Cultural frameworks that can accommodate asexuality. Brahmacharya (celibacy as a spiritual practice), the concept of non-attachment, and certain ascetic traditions -- while not the same as asexuality -- provide cultural reference points that can help some ace individuals find acceptance within Indian philosophical traditions.

A 2024-2025 academic shift. Indian researchers are beginning to study asexuality as a legitimate orientation rather than a pathology, as evidenced by the growing body of peer-reviewed literature on Indian asexual experiences.

Debunking the Myths

Myth 1: "Asexuality means you're afraid of sex"

Fact: Asexuality is about attraction, not fear. Some ace people are sex-repulsed, some are sex-indifferent, and some are sex-favorable. Fear of sex is a separate issue (often related to anxiety or trauma) that can affect people of any orientation.

Myth 2: "You just haven't met the right person"

Fact: This is the most common thing ace people hear -- and it's dismissive. Asexual people don't need to be "fixed" by meeting someone attractive enough. Sexual orientation isn't a puzzle waiting for the right piece.

Myth 3: "Asexuality is caused by trauma"

Fact: While trauma can affect anyone's relationship with sex, asexuality itself is not caused by trauma. Many ace people have no history of trauma whatsoever. And ace people who have experienced trauma are still ace -- their orientation is valid regardless of their life experiences.

Myth 4: "Asexual people can't have relationships"

Fact: Many asexual people have fulfilling romantic relationships, marriages, and families. Some have sex within those relationships; some don't. The key is communication and mutual respect -- which is true for all relationships.

Myth 5: "It's just low sex drive -- see a doctor"

Fact: Low libido is a medical symptom that causes distress. Asexuality is an orientation that doesn't inherently cause distress. The difference is crucial. If you're happy and healthy without sexual attraction, there's nothing to treat. The DSM-5 specifically excludes self-identified asexual individuals from diagnoses of sexual desire disorders.

Myth 6: "Asexuality is a Western concept"

Fact: Asexuality exists across all cultures. What's "Western" is the specific vocabulary and activist framework -- but the experience of not feeling sexual attraction is universal and timeless. The 2024 Sexualities study specifically documented how Indian asexual individuals are "constituting a novel ethos in Indian sexual practices" with their own cultural nuances.

How Do I Know If I'm Asexual?

There's no blood test, no quiz result, no doctor's certification. Asexuality is self-identified. But here are some experiences that many ace people share:

You don't understand what people mean when they talk about finding someone "hot" or wanting to have sex with someone they've just seen.
You've wondered if everyone else is exaggerating about sexual attraction.
You're willing to have sex but you don't feel a pull toward it -- it feels more like a chore, a curiosity, or something you do for your partner.
You've tried having sex and felt... nothing special. Not bad, necessarily, but not the earth-shattering experience everyone describes.
You relate more to emotional closeness, intellectual connection, or aesthetic appreciation than sexual desire.
You've felt broken or abnormal because you don't experience what everyone around you seems to.

If some of these resonate, you might be on the ace spectrum. And if they don't, that's fine too. Only you can determine your orientation.

As Dr. Shyam Mithiya, a psychiatrist who has worked with LGBTQ+ communities in India, explains: "Asexuality is not the absence of something -- it's the presence of a different way of experiencing the world. When we stop treating it as a deficiency and start treating it as a valid orientation, we open the door for millions of people to stop suffering in silence."

Supporting Ace People: A Quick Guide

Whether you're ace yourself or you have someone in your life who is, here's what helps.

If Someone Comes Out to You as Ace:

Don't say "You just haven't met the right person." This invalidates their identity.
Don't suggest they get their hormones checked. Unless they're asking for medical advice, this implies they're broken.
Do say "Thank you for telling me." Coming out takes courage.
Do ask "How can I support you?" Let them guide the conversation.
Do educate yourself. Reading this article is a great start.

If You're in a Relationship with an Ace Person:

Communicate openly about needs, boundaries, and expectations around physical intimacy.
Don't take it personally. Their lack of sexual attraction is about their orientation, not about you.
Explore what intimacy looks like for both of you. Intimacy isn't just sex -- it's cuddling, quality time, emotional vulnerability, shared experiences.
Seek couples counseling with an LGBTQ+-affirming therapist if you're struggling to navigate different needs.

FAQs

Q: Can asexual people fall in love?

A: Many can, yes. Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are different. Many asexual people experience deep romantic feelings and have loving, committed partnerships. Some identify as aromantic as well, meaning they don't experience romantic attraction either -- and they find fulfillment in deep friendships and community.

Q: Is asexuality recognized by medical authorities?

A: Yes. The DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) explicitly states that individuals who identify as asexual should not be diagnosed with Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder. The American Psychiatric Association recognizes asexuality as a valid orientation, not a disorder.

Q: How is asexuality different from having a low sex drive?

A: Low sex drive (hypoactive sexual desire) is typically experienced as distressing -- you want to want sex but don't. Asexuality doesn't inherently cause distress. An ace person isn't missing something they wish they had. They simply experience the world differently. If you're content without sexual attraction, that points to orientation. If it causes you distress, it's worth exploring with a healthcare provider.

Q: Are there asexual communities in India?

A: Yes, and they're growing. Indian Aces (online community), LGBTQ+ organizations like The Humsafar Trust, and various social media groups on Instagram, Reddit (r/asexuality, r/LGBTIndia), and Telegram provide spaces for Indian ace individuals to connect, share experiences, and find support.

Q: Can someone become asexual later in life?

A: Sexual orientation can be fluid for some people. Some individuals realize they're asexual after years of assuming they were allosexual. Others may have always known. There's no "right" timeline for understanding your orientation. What matters is how you identify now.

Where to Go from Here

If you think you might be on the asexual spectrum, here are some next steps:

Explore ace communities online. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) is the largest international resource. For India-specific community, look for Indian Aces on social media.
Read more. "Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex" by Angela Chen is an excellent starting point.
Talk to someone you trust. You don't have to figure this out alone.
Give yourself permission to not have all the answers. You can identify as questioning, or simply say "I'm figuring it out." That's valid.

Samjho believes that understanding yourself -- including your orientation -- is a fundamental part of sexual health. Whether you're asexual, allosexual, or somewhere in between, you deserve information that reflects your reality.

There's nothing wrong with you. There never was.

This article is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. For personalized guidance, consult a healthcare provider.

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