Consent Can Be Withdrawn Anytime: Understanding the Right to Say No

By Rahul Verma, Health Educator and Youth Workshop Facilitator

Scene kya hai. A college student in one of my Mumbai workshops once asked, "But sir, agar maine pehle haan bola, then kya I can stop in the middle?"

The whole room got quiet. Like nobody had ever told them the answer before.

So here it is, loud and clear: Yes. You can stop. Anytime. For any reason. Or for no reason.

If you've never been told this — and most Indians haven't — please keep reading. This might be the most important thing you read this week.

What Does "Withdrawing Consent" Mean?

Withdrawing consent means changing your mind about a sexual activity after you've already agreed to it. It can happen:

• Before anything physical starts ("I changed my mind, let's not")
• During kissing or foreplay
• During sex itself
• Mid-act, mid-position, mid-anything
• After hours of saying yes to other things

Consent is not a one-time switch you flip. It's an ongoing conversation. Every moment of sexual activity requires both people to still be okay with what's happening. The moment one person isn't, the activity stops. That's it. That's the rule.

This isn't a debate. This isn't an opinion. This is the medical, legal, and ethical standard for what consent means.

Why People Don't Realise This

Let me tell you why this concept is so unfamiliar to so many Indians.

Most of us grew up with versions of these messages:

• "Once you start, you can't stop"
• "If she wanted to say no, she should have said it earlier"
• "Boys can't control themselves once they're aroused"
• "He paid for dinner, what did she expect?"
• "She said yes to coming up, that means she said yes to everything"
• "In a marriage, sex is a duty, you can't just refuse"

Every single one of these messages is wrong. And dangerous.

The truth is much simpler: a yes can become a no at any moment, and the other person is required to stop. That's not about being sensitive. That's not about being romantic. That's the actual definition of consent.

What Indian Law Says

For anyone who needs the legal version, here it is.

The Criminal Law (Amendment) Act of 2013 — passed after the Nirbhaya case — defines consent in Indian law:

"Consent means an unequivocal voluntary agreement when the woman by words, gestures, or any form of verbal or non-verbal communication, communicates willingness to participate in the specific sexual act."

Three things matter here:

1. Unequivocal — meaning clear, not ambiguous. "Maybe" is not consent. Silence is not consent. Confusion is not consent.
2. Voluntary — meaning freely given. Coerced "yes" is not consent. Pressured "fine" is not consent.
3. Specific sexual act — meaning consent to one thing is not consent to everything.

The Supreme Court of India and multiple High Courts have consistently held that consent can be withdrawn at any point, and continuing after withdrawal is rape.

In State of Punjab v. Gurmit Singh (1996) and several subsequent rulings, courts have upheld that absence of physical resistance does not imply consent. A person who freezes, who is too scared to fight, who is intoxicated, or who simply changes her mind has not consented.

"Indian law is clear: consent is ongoing, specific, and revocable. It does not exist in a vacuum, and it does not extend forever once given. A husband, a boyfriend, a date, a friend — anyone — must respect the moment a partner says stop." — Advocate Karuna Nundy, Supreme Court of India

There is a tragic exception: India still does not criminalise marital rape. The Supreme Court is currently hearing petitions challenging this, and as of 2026, the legal position is being actively contested. But the moral and ethical standard is the same regardless of marriage: consent matters every single time.

The Numbers Tell a Story

Let me give you some hard data, because this issue is bigger than most Indians realise:

• According to NFHS-5 (2019-21), 6.1% of ever-married women in India reported experiencing sexual violence from their spouse. The actual figure is believed to be much higher due to underreporting.
• 29% of ever-married women reported some form of physical or sexual intimate partner violence.
• According to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) 2022, approximately 31,516 rape cases were reported in India that year — and over 94% of perpetrators were known to the victim, not strangers.
• A 2021 study published in The Lancet found that only 1 in 10 Indian women who experience intimate partner violence ever seek help.
• A 2018 survey by the International Center for Research on Women (ICRW) in India found that 52% of young men aged 18-24 believed that "if a woman initially agrees to sex but later refuses, the man has a right to continue."

That last number is the one we need to change. And changing it starts with understanding: a yes that becomes a no is still a no.

Why People Withdraw Consent

A lot of people — especially men — get confused or hurt when a partner stops mid-act. "Why would she change her mind?" they ask.

There are a thousand reasons. None of them require justification. But for context, here are some common ones:

• Pain or physical discomfort — Something hurts, doesn't feel right, or is too rough
• A flashback or trauma response — Past experiences can resurface unexpectedly
• Sudden anxiety or dissociation — The body shutting down emotionally
• Realising they're not as into it as they thought — Sometimes you only know once you're in the moment
• A condom broke or fell off
• Concerns about pregnancy or STIs
• The other person doing something the first person isn't comfortable with
• Sudden emotional discomfort — feeling sad, vulnerable, or unsafe
• Just changing their mind — yes, that's a valid reason

You don't owe anyone an explanation. "I want to stop" is a complete sentence.

What "Stopping" Actually Looks Like

Here's the thing. Withdrawing consent doesn't always sound like a clear "STOP."

Sometimes it sounds like:

• "Wait a minute"
• "I don't know about this"
• "I'm not sure"
• "Can we slow down"
• "I changed my mind"
• "Let's just cuddle instead"
• "Not tonight"

Sometimes it doesn't sound like anything at all. It looks like:

• Pulling away
• Going still
• Tensing up
• Crying
• Looking away
• Pushing the other person's hand away
• Trying to leave

If you're the partner who didn't initiate the pause, you stop everything. Even if you don't fully understand why. Even if you're disappointed. Even if you were almost there. You stop, you check in, and you give space.

"True consent is enthusiastic, ongoing, and reversible. If at any point you have to convince a partner, pressure them, or interpret their silence as agreement — you don't have consent. Stop, ask, listen." — Dr. Pragya Lodha, Clinical Psychologist and Sexuality Counsellor, Mumbai

What About Married Couples?

In our workshops, this question comes up a lot: "But sir, hum to married hain. Kya phir bhi consent lena padega?"

Yes. Always. Marriage is not blanket consent for life. Your wife is not obligated to have sex when she doesn't want to. Your husband is not obligated to perform when he doesn't want to. Either of you can say no, change your mind, or stop mid-act, regardless of how long you've been married or how often you usually have sex.

The Indian legal system has a marital rape exception that we've discussed. But morally, ethically, and medically — consent is required every single time. Period.

If you're a married man reading this and feeling defensive: I get it. This wasn't taught to us. Most of us were raised on the idea that wives "owe" husbands sex. That idea is wrong, and it's hurting our marriages, our wives, and ultimately ourselves.

If you're a married woman reading this and realising you have the right to say no — you do. Always. Even if your mother-in-law disagrees. Even if your husband sulks. Even if it's been 20 years.

What If Someone Won't Stop?

If you've withdrawn consent and the other person continues, that is sexual assault. Full stop. It doesn't matter who they are, how long you've known them, or what you said earlier in the night.

If this has happened to you, please know:

• It is not your fault
• You did not "lead them on"
• Saying yes earlier did not give them permission later

Where to get support in India:

• iCall (TISS Mumbai): 9152987821 — free counselling
• Vandrevala Foundation Helpline: 1860-2662-345 — 24/7 mental health support
• One Stop Centres (Sakhi Centres): Available in every district. Call 181 (Women Helpline)
• National Commission for Women: 7827170170
• Snehi: 91-22-2772-6771 (Mumbai-based crisis helpline)

You can also approach a hospital, file a police complaint under Section 376 of the IPC, or seek legal help from organisations like Majlis Legal Centre, Sakshi, or Lawyer's Collective.

Teaching the Next Generation

If you're a parent, teacher, older sibling, or friend — please teach the people around you that consent is ongoing. The earlier this becomes part of how Indians think about relationships, the safer everyone will be.

Teach kids:

• Their body is theirs
• They can say no to physical touch from anyone, including relatives
• They can stop a hug, a tickle, a wrestling match
• "No" is a complete sentence

Teach teenagers and young adults:

• Yes can become no at any time
• Their partner has the same right
• Stopping when asked is not "ruining the moment" — it's basic respect
• Pressuring someone is not "convincing" — it's coercion

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I really stop sex in the middle?

Yes. Always. Anytime. The other person is required to stop immediately.

What if my partner gets angry when I say stop?

That's a serious red flag. A partner who reacts with anger, sulking, or pressure when you withdraw consent is not respecting your autonomy. Please consider whether the relationship is safe for you.

Does saying yes to one thing mean yes to everything?

No. Consenting to kissing is not consenting to sex. Consenting to sex is not consenting to anal sex, oral sex, or anything else. Each act needs its own yes.

Is it withdrawing consent if I just feel uncomfortable?

Yes. Discomfort is a valid reason to stop. You don't need to justify it.

What if I was drunk when I said yes?

A person who is significantly intoxicated cannot legally give meaningful consent. If you weren't sober enough to make decisions, the yes wasn't fully valid in the first place.

Can a man withdraw consent too?

Yes. Consent applies to all genders. Men can also say no, change their minds, and have those decisions respected.

What if I'm married — do I still have the right to say no?

Morally and medically, yes. Marriage does not give anyone the right to your body without your ongoing consent. Indian law has a marital rape exception, but ethically, the standard is the same: every time, every act.

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If this article changed how you think about sex and consent, please share it. Most of us were never taught this — and most of us deserved better.

At Samjho, we believe every Indian deserves to know their rights when it comes to their own body. There's no stupid question when it comes to consent. And there's never a wrong time to learn it.

Bol nahi sakte ghar pe yaar — but you can know the truth. And once you know it, you can pass it on.